Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
