apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
