it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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