Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
