I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
