I'm so fucking centered right now
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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