Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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