youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
