Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
