and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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