Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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