see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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