I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize