Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
