i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
