you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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