Sponge bath it is.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
