At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
