how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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