If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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