So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
