I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
