I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
