things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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