Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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