So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
