I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
