Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
