'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
