I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
