you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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