K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Less talking, more tequila
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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