I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
