I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
