Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
