dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
