Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Randomize
