There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I want a musical about memes.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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