Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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