he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
worst night to have a conscience
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
