And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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