totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
