I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize