apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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