bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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