ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
