I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
