Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
