I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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