4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
