During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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