i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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