Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
