I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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