I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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