i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Holy shit dude........stairs
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
