WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
