if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
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