I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
