I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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