Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
