WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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