Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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