You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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