so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
