the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
