So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
