weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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